Pein's welcomings
by AKATSUKI SUPER FAN
Summary: These are the 'happy' welcomings Pein gets from the rest of the Akatsuki whenever he returns from any form of shopping. :   OOC, AU, PWP


** Hi guys, I'm back, sorry for neglecting all of you peoples, I just haven't been able to come up with any ideas lately and I'm just fucking lazy. So enjoy :(**

**OOOO**

Everything was normal at the Akatsuki base, Hidan had brought home some random guy to sacrifice to you know who, Kakuzu is pick-pocketing the dead guy Hidan brought back and Deidara is making 'art', Sasori is well…staring off into space. Tobi is trying to act like Zetsu (Schizophrenia), Konan is in rehab for molesting little children, Kisame is trying to kill one of his many gold fish in his bathtub and Itachi is painting his nails pink while talking like a teenage girl on hormones (the cliché type).

"Hey weasel-san, Tobi has a joke to tell you!" Tobi wailed, kicking down Itachi's door.

"Damn it Tobi, I'm talking to my supposedly dead mother!" Itachi screamed, clearly pissed at the sudden intrusion by the hyper Akatsuki member.

"Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi cried, dropping down into the fetal position.

"Fine, Tobi's a good boy, now tell me the damn joke."

"Okay, well you're driving in a smart car and you go past a bus stop, there, on a bench, you see your best friend, a woman about to give birth and the girl of your dreams, what do you do?" Tobi asked.

"Well, that's easy, you stop the car, your friend takes the pregnant woman to the hospital and you get to sit with the girl of your dreams," Itachi answered bluntly.

"No…you RECONSIDER YOUR LIFE! YOU. BOUGHT. A. SMART CAR!" Tobi wailed, grasping Itachi by the collar and started to strangle him, Sharingan spinning. Tobi was royally pissed.

"Tobi get the fuck off of me, you're scaring me!" Itachi cried, screeching like a small school girl. Tobi is about to kill Itachi, epic music playing in the background only to have it interrupted with Pein's theme song (from the OST, I'd advise you to start playing Pein's theme song). A car suddenly drove into the parking lot they had randomly acquired through 'borrowing' from a bank.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! PEIN'S FAT ASS IS FUCKING HERE, RUN LIKE IT'S THE FUCKING END OF THE FUCKING WORLD DIP SHITS!" Hidan wailed, slicing his neck with his scythe in an attempt to kill himself to get away from Pein. All of the Akatsuki began panicking. Kakuzu got five heart attacks, Kisame went down the drain in his bathtub, taking his goldfish with him, Sasori took his heart out and hid it in a micro sized puppet, then hid the puppet.

` "Oh shit, Pein's back un?" Deidara asked before shoveling tons of clay into his mouth. Itachi ran into the bathroom and locked it, noticing that Kisame had gone down the drain. Tobi started sobbing hysterically, rocking in the corner. Back in the garden, Zetsu started to eat himself, the rest of the Pein's are trying to kill each other rather comically.

-Outside-

"Huh, why is my theme song is playing? Hm, let's just hope that the same thing isn't happening like last time," Pein told himself as he walked into the base. "Okay I'm back from the grocery shopping," Pein announced as he opened the door. Hidan ran up to Pein, cover in blood.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

"Damn it boy, get a hold of yourself!" Pein yelled before bitch slapping Hidan. "I'm going to my room, Kakuzu, here's the recite," Pein casually said, tossing the very long piece of paper at the dead body of what used to be Kakuzu. Zetsu walked past Pein, one arm missing and picked up the recite.

"Hm, total of 3,800,212 yen…plus tax. Equals 4,000,000 yen," Zetsu's white side said out loud. "**What the fuck, how is he going to pay that? He'll maul us!"** his black side growled.

"What the FUCK, 4,000,000 yen?" Kakuzu yelled, miraculously recovering from his many heart attacks.

-In Konoha-

"FUCK, I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE MY MONEY PEIN!"

"What was that?" Kiba asked.

"Hm, must've been my mom…" Shikamaru sighed.

OOOO

**ASF: Yes Shikamaru, that could've been your mother if it weren't for your dad not having the name Pein.**

**Shikamaru: What a drag…(walks out a random door)**

**ASF: Hey you do not walk out on me! I paid for this meeting! I paid fifty thousand yen for this fucking meeting! Hidan, go bring his lazy ass back!**

**Hidan: Fuck you, I ain't doing your fucking shit bitch!**

**ASF: You wanna get shot in yo balls? I thought so, now go get him.**

**Hidan: (mumbling)**

**ASF: Well sorry for that little outburst, so hope you liked it. And remember, no flaming, but please review.**


End file.
